things i haven’t done since primary school

eaten tapioca pudding with rose hip syrup
asked a girl the color of her knickers
won a competition for who could pee highest up the wall
eaten orange plasticine
felt the sting of a cane across my fingers
executed the perfect forward roll

things i learned at primary school

orange plasticine doesn’t taste of oranges
the man who invented tapioca pudding was a sadist
justice is a small thing but injustice is fucking enormous
never ask a girl who’s got all her teeth the colour of her knickers
always stand upwind during a peeing competition
executing the perfect forward roll is over-rated as a life skill