Restitution

450

Wear this mask over your face.
Be sure to hide your feelings displaced.
I’m jaded, snide, and too emotional
because I cry.

Getting good at sealing your fate.
The man in the machine says
hurry up, now wait.

And all of the things I create,
my next mistake.

Sin against nature.
I can’t much stand you’re hatred.
Distorted worldly views.
I really hate, me.

They fuel the ego.
Thinking we won’t know,
but when decay sets in they win
again and again.

Shatter the mirror,
because I’m seeing clearer.

Judge me please.
Do my scars not appease you?

Is this making sense?
I feel you’re growing tense.
Is my honesty creating discomfort?

I really hope so.

Kaci Skiles Laws is a closet cat-lady and creative writer who reads and writes voraciously in the quiet moments between motherhood and managing Crohn's Disease. She grew up on a small farm in a Texas town alongside many furry friends, two sisters, and a brother. She has known tragic loss too well, and her writing, which is often dark and honest, is a reflection of the shadows lurking in her psyche. Her work can be viewed at:https://kaciskileslawswriter.wordpress.com/, and her visual artwork and music can be viewed on YouTube under Kaci and Bryant.

 

A list of the places where my writing has appeared or is forthcoming:

 

The American Journal of Poetry, The Letters Page, Terror House Magazine, Bewildering Stories, Unlikely Stories, Anti-Heroin Chic, Red Fez, The Bollman Bridge Review, Triggerfish Critical Review, Capsule Stories Cajun Mutt Press, Levitate, Harbor Review, Fragmented Lines, Written Tales, Kiss My Poetry, Rough Cut Press, Eighteen-Seventy, Ten Million Flies, Open Arts Forum, The Broken Spine, Necro Magazine, Pif Magazine, Otherwise Engaged Literary and Arts Journal, Nod Magazine, Ponder Savant, Sleet Magazine, Goat Milk Magazine, Memoryhouse Magazine, Martin Lake Journal, 50 Haikus, Sub Rosa Zine, and Former People.

 

One thing I'd like people to know about me: I test high for schizotypal personality disorder.

 

“Psychologists believe that a number of famous creative luminaries, including Vincent Van Gogh, Albert Einstein, Emily Dickinson and Isaac Newton, had schizotypal personalities.”

 

That quote comes from the ScienceDaily article Odd Behavior And Creativity May Go Hand-in-hand, which explains,

 

“Often viewed as a hindrance, having a quirky or socially awkward approach to life may be the key to becoming a great artist, composer or inventor.

 

“New research on individuals with schizotypal personalities – people characterized by odd behavior and language but who are not psychotic or schizophrenic – offers the first neurological evidence that they are more creative than either normal or fully schizophrenic individuals, and rely more heavily on the right sides of their brains than the general population to access their creativity.”

 

What defines it?

 

Schizotypal Personality Disorder Symptoms:

 

People with schizotypal personality disorder have odd behavior, speech patterns, thoughts, and perceptions. Other people often describe them as strange or eccentric. People who have this disorder may also:

 

Dress, speak, or act in an odd or unusual way.

 

Be suspicious and paranoid.

 

Be uncomfortable or anxious in social situations due to their distrust of others.

 

Have few friends.

 

Be very uncomfortable with intimacy.

 

Tend to misinterpret reality or to have distorted perceptions (for example, mistaking noises for voices).

 

Have odd beliefs or magical thinking (for example, being overly superstitious or thinking of themselves as psychic).

 

Be preoccupied with fantasy and daydreaming.

 

Tend to be stiff and awkward when relating to others.

 

Come across as emotionally distant, aloof, or cold.

 

Have limited emotional responses or seem “flat”.

 

Other fictional examples include:

 

1. The main character in Taxi Driver

2. Willy Wonka

3. Belle from Beauty and the Beast