her voice low on the phone,
she tells me
about trying to die.

I squeeze the phone
try to block out
what I hear

she’s sobbing
I let her cry
tell her a secret
from boyhood
my voice soft.

at ten I tried
to stab myself
stabbed a dish liquid bottle
the thick pink liquid
oozing out
on the green countertop

she said oh my god why?
I’m crying softly now
my voice low
I hated myself
I replied.

and we talked about life
and the sadness that breaks people down
making them less than they are
searching for something
to help them get through

I hung up
and in the 4 a.m. quiet
fired up my computer
and resumed watching porn