this is a poem about my mother
that is what this is about
my wonderful mother and how I did not
go see her for years because I was too busy
looking for her in places like san francisco
and houston
she wasn’t there SHE remained
roots-deep in indiana
(why didn’t she ever go anywhere)
and allowed me (lead me)
to spend the years I had saved for years
going places where she was not
as she waited and waited for her son
to come see her
she waited in the heat of summer
she waited in the cold of winter
why doesn’t he come see me
that silly boy must think I’m in upstate
oregon
maybe if I send out a strong THUMP
he will remember where I am
he was always so forgetful
as a child
one day quite by accident I woke up
in
indiana and my father had a new car
can I go for a ride sure
I got in the car and drove to the top of a small
but not too small hill
I drove around to where I thought she lived
isn’t this strange I thought to myself
I could have sworn
she lived right over there or was it there
or there
it’s so hard to remember but I could have sworn it was
right over there
I drove around the hill several more times
and then the funniest thing happened
I was amazed
I was stranged
out of the
side window I saw a rock with my mother’s
name on it
you can imagine my surprise
a rock with my mother’s name on it
I couldn’t tell if it was a nice rock or not
it was too confusing to know if it was a nice rock or not
I got out of the car and walked over to the rock
I lay down in front of the rock
I felt stupid and got up
before me was a life-size statue
of jesus christ our savior and I tried to make him move
I tried to make his face move his face was white
his clothes were white with arms held wide
his holy corpse was white and I tried to make him move
I did this by making myself as still as possible
someone must always be moving and if you do not
but no so
I struck him
MOVE
goddamn you MOVE
I got back in the car
I started driving around the hill faster
and faster
a little too fast
just a little too
fast
wouldn’t it be wonderful if I forgot to make this
next turn
wouldn’t it be wonderful if I forgot
to straighten the wheel at this next turn
wouldn’t it be wonderful if I forgot
to step on the brake
wouldn’t it be wonderful if that tree
was buried in my face
wouldn’t it be wonderful
if I could
die
cry
