at first I was pissed
when the cat
knocked over the Christmas tree
then I was delighted
our cat basically said
fuck the stress of pageantry
and living up to tradition
that little monster knocked the whole season
over for me
it was great
like Jesus overturning the tables
when he swatted an ornament
that exploded
it was like he was playing tennis
with Santa’s stomach
I was free of the eggnog
free of my family
free of this tugging fear
that only the icy winds of Christmas
with no money
can bring
in a world that eats itself with every bite
of apple pie topped
with a whipped cream
panic attack
this holiday is too much
I don’t wanna a jingle bell rock thrown at me
I wanna retreat to the silence
eat a bowl of rice
smoke inside the house
listen to the hum of the ventilation
be alone with all that’s lost
and all that’s been gained
I wanna get so quiet that I actually know
it is Christmas
