Oh, you tubby lubby of mine
You big boss man fire me
Tie me to your tree and stretch me
Make me scream mon petit carrot cake
Swim on me
Breast stroke all over me
Drive me on your beautiful golf course
Take me into your tower
My sweet coming billionaire
My gorgeous orgasmic El Presidente
Oh, Dongaldo, Dongaldski, Dongaldez,
Chongfu! Povtoreniye! Repetir!

Image credit:roya ann miller

Eliot Jacobson received his Ph.D. in Mathematics from the University of Arizona in 1983. Eliot was Associate Professor of Mathematics at Ohio University and Visiting Associate Professor and Lecturer of Computer Science at U.C. Santa Barbara. Eliot retired from academia in 2009. Eliot was among the first professors at UCSB to institute automated plagiarism checking into his Computer Science courses.

Eliot founded Jacobson Gaming, LLC in 2006. His company specialized in casino table game design, advantage play analysis, game development, and mathematical certification. Eliot worked internationally with casino surveillance and management, helping to uncover scams, detect cheats and advise on game security. Eliot’s business “Certified Fair Gambling” used statistical methods to audit, police and safeguard online casino games.

Eliot fully retired in 2017 and now enjoys his new full-time career as a grandfather, husband and volunteer.