Purple makes you sweaty
while you shiver with a chill,
and morphs you into Betty
when your given name is Bill.

Aqua gets you placid,
but it has an ill effect:
it either leaves you flaccid,
or unwillingly erect.

Yellow smooths your edges,
you’ll be far less tightly wound —
and prepossessed by ledges
twenty floors above the ground.

Crimson makes you drowsy,
then it keeps you up all night;
the fact you’re feeling lousy
only means it’s working right.

Brown reduces smoking,
but you’ll grow a thicker waist,
while amber causes choking
from the grossly bitter taste.

Orange, when your mind’s a blur,
increases concentration —
but diarrhea may occur
(or chronic constipation).

Indigo afflicts you
with an unrelenting thirst;
alas, it might just fix you
if it doesn’t end you first.