Yah! There’s something to be said
for modern Hep B, HPV and AIDS,
but gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia—
the all-time greatest hits of STDs—
keep raising their infection rates!

Stick trendy condoms up your ass!
Did you imagine rubber flummoxing
those masterminds who leveraged
bestiality to colonize a human race
so fond of violating lowing aurochs?

Recognize this isn’t their first rodeo!
These old colossi conquered limbs
astride the torso of a huddled calf
just as American as apple pie—
salute, sing praises, tip the hat!

Why call them maladies, not allies?
Of the fifty ways to leave a lover,
what’s more tried and true than taking
something to remember them by—
gift of one of Cupid’s pet diseases?